A heaven-like realm where emotions run wild, love blossoms and hearts feel elated for the first time. It’s the time of life where adolescents get an escape from all their chaos, an escape that feels invaluable.
With a balance of exhilaration and vulnerability, teenage relationships, however, do lie on thin ice. The moment that balance is disrupted, that heaven-like realm turns into a realm much, much deeper than hell.
In that very realm itself, alongside my ex-girlfriend, I embarked on a rollercoaster of highs and lows, exploring the experiences teenage romance has to offer. The impact of these highs and lows extends far beyond the realm of our teenage romance, leaving imprints that ripple through various aspects of my life.
When it all started, both of us felt naïvely optimistic, almost as if it was going to work solely because nothing can go wrong. Not only did that notion leave us dangerously unprepared for any adversities that lied ahead, it also was the cause of some of those adversities.
It was my inner perfectionism that gripped me, which pulled us down from heaven to hell. We greatly underestimated the degree to which academics would govern our relationship. As someone whose self-worth is centered around his academic performance, the pressure I had undergone imploded my mental state completely.
As pressure from my relationship piled up alongside my academics, a chain reaction ensued. This experience severely weakened my mental well-being, leading to frequent and prolonged episodes of crying, including sleepless nights. Regrettably, it even drove me to the point of attempting suicide.
However, I wasn’t the only victim of this. My girlfriend at the time wasn’t doing well academically from the start and it really started to wear her down. As I began to confide in her, she perfectly puts it “He had thoughts of self-harm and suicide, shifting my focus from my wellbeing to his. This not only impacted my academics but my daily routine as well.”. “This shift in priorities really set back how I treated myself and was amplified by reality of the situation, as I had to face someone close to me go through such severe incidents”.
For me personally, it impacted my academics as well. With my completely imploded and weakened state, I couldn’t give any importance to my school life, causing my marks to drop. Similarly, as she was carrying the burden of maintaining the mental well-being of 2 people - mine and hers - on her shoulders, she was driven to mental exhaustion.
The situation became more challenging as she believed she shouldn't share her thoughts and emotions with others, inducing a sense of entrapment. All of this on her shoulders impacted the relationship between her and her parents, causing her to become more and more dismissive of them. The cycle of mental exhaustion and pressure led to detrimental habits for both of us, including stress eating, exclusion, and procrastination.
Having had enough of this cycle, both of us decided to end the relationship. Though the relationship might have ended, the impacts still ripple to this day among both of us. Some escapes that were made during the relationship (reading, stress eating, procrastination) still affect both of us. To the youngsters out there, relationships are fun.
They’re a world of your fantasies coming true, after all you’re discovering a whole new part of yourself. It would be my advice for relationships to be taken with a pinch of salt. Nothing too serious, yet something that helps build emotional intelligence and a sense of maturity. And remember, nothing ever needs to be perfect